Loosen the knots

It’s taken two weeks for Costa Rica’s energy, heat and humidity to loosen the knots of my regular rituals and routines. My busy way of being in Canada, in the fall, with scarves and boots and warm cozy covers, had to unravel. The knots that held me together there had to loosen and crumble to create space for a new way of being to weave together. The knots had to unravel for me to eventually feel okay here, in this new place.

The unraveling is nearly always uncomfortable. And it’s required because it is discomfort that creates change. Someone once said to me, “You’re not learning unless you’re uncomfortable.” True that. Not only am I learning, but even more so, I’ve been unlearning the past two weeks. Letting go of being busy, of doing. Letting go of how I normally eat, how I normally sleep, how I normally spend my time, and even how I normally think. 

It’s been an overwhelming time, an emotional time. The heat and humidity being the catalyst for the most change because my ability to adapt to and dissipate heat is not in my gene pool. It’s been two weeks with waves of sweaty and sticky discomfort, irritated thoughts, the urge to run (fly back home), and anxious energy seemingly stuck in my body. 

I needed to cope with these changes; not just the heat, but the new language, the different foods, the people, the energy of this place. I did what I could. I showered and offered myself moments of cool relief. I drank the tea I brought that my body recognizes. I napped. I walked in the bath-temperature ocean water. I watched Netflix. I read books. I sat hunched over, sweaty and teary, thinking all the thoughts and let them have space too.

The unravel is still happening and will continue until I leave, I’m sure. But I’m also discovering the space that’s been created from the past two weeks. There’s more space in my thoughts now. There’s a sense of clarity and potential in the moment rather than the desire to escape. There’s more space within my old ways of ‘needing to do things’, as I let myself be okay not doing, and only follow through with doing something when I feel guided to do it (intuitively led). I no longer feel shameful for not doing much of anything for an entire day. I am surrendering to the heat, to the energy of this place. And with that surrendering, with letting go, with the old knot loosened, I’m finding I now have more space, surprisingly more energy and more desire to do things. 

I had to let go. I had to move through this transition time. I had to release resisting. I had to let this run its course. I had to be patient, knowing deep down this discomfort wouldn’t last the entire two months we are here. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this heat; I’ll never love it, but I am now surrendering to it and allowing it to change me.

The loosened threads of the last two weeks are now weaving into their new design. Deeply engrained patterns are shifting into this new beautiful weave. And I can see how helpful this is, not only to the enjoyment of the rest of my time here in Costa Rica, but I feel this is going to serve me well when I return to Canada. I will bring back this new weave, this new way of being, most succinctly summarized as ‘doing less’. I can then allow that pattern to also unravel as it needs to, as I adapt back to the Canada cold, the energy of the community, the landscape, and more. The next iteration of the new weave that will come from all of this, the ways of being that I will become, will surely be more aligned for me than I ever had before this adventure began. 

No matter the specifics of any discomfort in our lives, surely there is healing to allow.